A Wetpaint Site

Jokes & SMS

ਅੱਖ ਵਿਚ ਪੈ ਜਾਵੇ ਵਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਜਿੰਦਰੇ ਨੂੰ ਲੱਗ ਜੇ ਜੰਗਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਯਾਰ ਮਿਲੇ ਰੂਹ ਦਾ ਕੰਗਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਬੈਂਕ ਦਾ ਵਿਆਜ਼ ਕਈ ਸਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਲਾਲਚ ਤੇ ਗੁੱਸਾ, ਸਾਡ਼ਾ, ਈਰਖਾ ਹਰੇਕ ਜਗਾ੍ ,
ਉ ਪੈ ਗਿਆ ਮੋਹਬੱਤਾਂ ਦਾ ਕਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਜਵਾਨੀ ਵਿਚ ਜੇਨੂੰ ਕਦੇ ਰੱਬ ਨਈਉਂ ਯਾਦ ਆਉਂਦਾ,
ਬੁਡ਼ਾਪੇ ਵਿਚ ਮੌਤ ਦਾ ਖਿਆਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਮਿਲੇ ਨਾ ਜੇ ਮਾਲ ਬਡ਼ੇ ਚੀਕਦੇ ਟਰੱਕਾਂ ਵਾਲੇ,
ਅਮਲੀ ਦਾ ਮੁੱਕਜਾਵੇ ਮਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਉਏ ਆਸ਼ਕ ਨਲੈਕ ਤੇ ਮਸ਼ੂਕਾਂ ਹੋਸ਼ੀਆਰ ਬਹੁਤ,
ਅੱਖਾਂ ਰਾਹੀਂ ਪਾਉਦਿਆਂ ਸਵਾਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ,
ਘੁੱਟੀ ਚਾਰੇ ਪਾਸਿਉਂ ਰਜਾਈ ਤਾਵੀਂ ਠੰਡ ਲਗ,
ਬੰਟੀ ਛਡੇ ਬੰਦੇ ਨੂੰ ਸਿਆਲ ਤੰਗ ਕਰਦਾ.

एक दिन राजू के पापा एक रोबोट ले कर आये.
वह रोबोट झूठ पकड़ सकता था और झूठ बोलने वाले को गाल पर खीँच कर चांटा मार देता था.
आज राजू स्कूल से घर देर से आया था... पापा ने पूछा "घर लौटने में देर क्यो हो गयी?"
"आज हमारी एक्स्ट्रा क्लासेस थी" राजू ने जवाब दिया...
रोबोट अचानक अपनी जगह से उछला और जमकर राजू के गाल पर चांटा मार दिया.
पापा हंसकर बोले, "ये रोबोट हर झूठ को पकड़ सकता है और झूठ बोलने वाले को चांटा भी मारता है. अब सच क्या है यह बताओ... कहाँ गए थे?"
"में फिल्म देखने गया था" राजू बोला
"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने कड़ककर पूछा
"हनुमान"
चटाक... अभी राजू की बात पूरी भी नहीं हुई थी की उसके गाल पर रोबोट ने एक जोर का चांटा मारा.
"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने फिर पूछा
"कातिल जवानी."
पापा ग़ुस्से में बोले "शर्म आनी चाहिए तुम्हे. जब में तुम्हारे जितना था तब ऐसी हरकत नहीं किया करता था."
चटाक... रोबोट ने एक चांटा मारा... इस बार पापा के गाल पर.
यह सुनते ही मम्मी किचन में से आते हुए बोली "आख़िर तुम्हारा बेटा है ना... झूठ तो बोलेगा ही"
अब मम्मी की बारी थी... चटाक...

*Humne jab kabhi khushi mehsoos ki, Her kadam pe aapki kami mahsoos ki,Door rehkar bhi aapki dosti kam na hoi, ya baat humne Dil se mahsoos ki..

*Duniya main 3 chezee kabhi bhi aa sakti hai …paisa… …mout… …aur… … aur… …aur… mera SMS..

*Dost 1 sahil hai tufan k liye Dost 1 ayina hay armano liye Dost 1 mahfil hai anjano k liye Dost 1 kwahish hai aap jaise dost paane k liye.

*D se Dosti, D se Dil, D se Dard, D se Dillagi, D se Dewangi per D se itna bhi Dur na ho jana ki S se SMS our C se call bhi na kar sako…

*Dosti achi ho tu rang lati hai, Dosti gehri ho tu sabki bhati hai, Dosti nadan ho tu toot jati hay, per dost hamse ho tu itihass ban jati hai…

*Promise me v r true frindz, i’m lamp ur lite, i’m coke ur sprite, i’m saawan u r baadal, i’m normal ur pagal. ha ha ha

*Sabse intelligent koun: TUM , sabse smart koun: TUM sabse storng koun: TUM in sab me TUM se zeyada koun: HUM lakin dunia me sabse acha dost kaun: HUM TUM

*Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamana hay nazaroon ki, Aap jaoisa ek dost mila tu kya zarorat hay hazaron ki..

*Umid aise ho jo jeeny ko majbor kare, raah aisi ho jo chanle ko majbur kare. mahak kum na ho kabhi apni dosti ki, dosti aisi ho jo milne ko majbur kare..

*Ya dil pyar ke qabil na raha, Koi bhi izhar ke qabil na raha,Is dil main bas gayi dosti aapki ab tu chand bhi deedar ke kabil na raha!kal ho na ho..aj tu hai…aaj ho na ho…ya pel tu hay..ya pal ho na ho..hum tu hian…hum ho na ho..humari dosti tu hay…

*Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana.. ager wo so rahi ho tu shor mat machana, jab wo jage tu dheere say MUSKURANA phir khana KUNJUS sms karoo!

*Are o friendwa, tohar smswa ka intejar ma hum mubilewa hath me liye 1 ghantae se baitha hun.Tanik idhar bhi dhayan dai diyo our ekad msgwa bhijwai do..Tohara Dost..

*Jani wo pyar hi kya jisme JUDAI na ho, wo ishq hi kya jis me LADAI na ho, wo dil hi kya jisme DARD na ho, aur wo MOBILE hi kya jisme aap ka SMS na ho..

*Dua kerte hai hum KHUDA se! Aye KHUDA humara pyara apni manzil paye! uski raho me andhera aaye.. To roshni k liye humay jalaye!

*Kya mamu apun ki yaad vaad nahi aa reli kya? kya apun hi tere ko aisa jhakas msg bhejta rehenga kya? bolo to tu bhi ek-do repchik msg chipka dal!!

*Pathar se dosti, Jan ko khatra.Pathan se dosti, Demagh ko khatra. Daru say dosti,LIver ko khatra.Hum say dosti, rat be rat SMS ka khatra!!

*3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

*Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,

Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,

Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon.

*TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,

RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,

PEPSI ka cr8 ho,

ANDE ka oml8 ho,

SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,

JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,

KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!

*Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai, birdy gaana ga rahe hain,

Cow log grass eat rahe hain,

shaane log SMS kar rahe hain

aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain

*Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.

Sagar se gahara koi nahi.

Aab aapki kya tarif karu...

Dost me aap jaisa...

Nalayak koi nahi!

*A Friendship is Sweet when its NEW

Its Sweeter when its TRUE

But Its Sweetest when the friend is like U.

*Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,

gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,

tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,

tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.

*If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death & smart like ME.

• Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more care.

• Q: What's the difference between gud & bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

• If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.

• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.

Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.

• Q: Why do men fart more often than women?

A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.

• Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb the Sleep of Others. Thank You.

• A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?

Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

• Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal sohne sunakhe Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.

• When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.

• My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I'll be successful and if I don't reach my goal, I'll still be successful.

• Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.

• Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!

Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.

• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!

• Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

• Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?

Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.

• Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?

Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.

• A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?

Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.

• Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raasta bhatak gaye hain.

• Can't believe that after all the shit that's happened between them, they are still together.

Who?

Ur bums.

Osama to Big B: How are you??

Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?

Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.

• Look at the ocean & see God's abundance! Look at the sky & see God's glory! Look at the moon & see God's wonder! Look at the mirror & see God's Blunder!

• Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?

A: A Moti-vaiting.

• Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

• Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?

Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.

• Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!

Premika: Dhokla.

• Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U.

• Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.

• Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

• Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others & legends never talk, they send SMS.

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

• Banta: How does an attorney sleep?

Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

• Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.

• I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?

• A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?

• Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl's father must have his own bar...CHEERS

• Santa beer bar c ro riha c, Bar owner: Kyon ro rahe ho?

Santa: Oye ki karaan? Main jis kudi da naam bhulna chahunda haan, usda naam yaad hi nahin aa riha.

• Santa: Yaar Bhabhi kithe hai?

Banta: "Kapoorthale".

Santa: Teri bhain di!! Asi mar gaye si jo Kapoor de thale bhej Ditti.

• Never Kiss a police woman she'll say stop hands up.

Never kiss a nurse She'll say Next plz.

Always kiss a teacher she'll say repeat it 10 times & Do it properly.

• Hasdi C......

Hasaundi C.....

Baalaan nu lehraundi C....

Dekh Ke sharmaundi C.....

Kuch soch k phir muskuraundi C....

Aj pta laga saali FUDDU banaundi C....

• **DANGER**

Train Ki patri pe tatti mat karo, Engine ayega Chuttar katt jayega,

Aaj haath se chuttar dhote ho- Kal Chuttar se haath dho baithoge.

• Girl 2 rikshaw wala: Kyon bhaiya jayega?

Rikshaw Wala: Jayega kyun nahi! Abhi-Abhi grease lga k khada kiya hai.

To tkeek hai mod ke peeche le lo.

• Be close with someone who makes you happy. But be closer to that person who can't be happy without you! Feel the difference. Gud Day!

• Let luv be the guide to ur dreams, let luv be the light to ur heart, let ur luv be the reason why somebody else's heart still continues to beat.

• It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship.

• Memories play a confusing role. They make u laugh when u remember the time u cried together! But make u cry when u remember the time u laughed together.

• An simple Bye make us cry, A simple Joke make us laugh, simple Care make us fall in love. I hope my simple SMS make you think of me. I Miss U

• Some men have have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.

• I Miss U a little, you could say: A little too much, a little too often and a little more each day.

• Knock!Knock! May I come into ur world? I bring no flowers, no cakes but wishes to keep U fresh, prayer to keep u healthy & luv to keep u smiling. Gud Morning!

• Open ur door when u r alone, Open ur heart when u feel sad... But don't open ur hand when u need a friend, coz I'm already holding ur hand forever

• A day may start or end without a message from me, but believe me it won't start or end without me thinking of u... Gud Morning!

• Old friends r gold. New friends may be diamond. If u get diamond, don't ever forget the gold because to hold a diamond u always need a base of gold.

• Difficulties in ur life doesn't come to destroy u, but to help u realisee your hidden potentia. Let difficulties know that u r More Difficult.

• Worst thing in life? Someone has tears in eyes because of U. And the best thing? Someone has tears in eyes for U.

• Every failure is a lesson well-learned, Every Success is a battle well-fought, and True Luv is a jewel well-kept, in one's heart.

• On the canvas of life we often go off colour, but as long as people like u are there to add the right shades, life goes on to be a rainbow! Gud Morning.

• Troubles r like washing machine; They twist, turn & knock us around, but in the end we come out brighter than before. Gud Day!

• You are my best friend forever and always we're together too much but far not enough & if you die before I do ask God if heaven is got room for two.

• Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.

• A new day, a new sun, makes us to have a new run. Come out of ur dreams & see the world outstide. Waiting for u is a new day. Gud Morning!

• Smile is a lnguage of Luv. Smile is a way to get success, Smile is to win the hearts. Smile improves ur personality. Brush daily. Gud Morning

• It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home! Let's Thank... KAAMWALI

• Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?

Narad: Main Bhagwaan Hoon.

Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.

• Mashooka: Lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho to.

Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyon na usey wahin rahne diya jaye main doobonga to sahara dega.

• Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!

Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.

• Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?

Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!

• Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.

Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

• An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?

Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

• Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty & when a woman becomes naughty.... she becomes rich.

• A lady is standing on top of the hill n she is going to push her father down. So what's the name of the lady?

Push......Paa.

• Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.

• Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin karta hai.

Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana

• Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.

Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.

Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.

• Biscuit maker's Luv Letter: Dear Marie yesterday was a very Good Day, our meeting was truely Nice, but the chance of our Luv is 50-50 coz ur dad is a Tiger. Will u give ur Littlr Heart 2 me? Otherwise I'll become a Krack-Jack

• Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?

Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.

Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

• Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy

• When I send SMS to u, it doesn't mean that u have to do the same... U can also send fruits, drinks, pizza, chocolates by courier. DD & Cheques r also accepted.

• Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?

A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.

• Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade... ya phir bus aap pe chade... dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat ta hai.

• Rabba dukh na devin yaar mere nu, saanu chahe dukhan da pahaar de de,

Phire nawe HERO JET cycle utte yaar mera, saanu bhaven purani Mercedes car de de

• Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA

Phir likha: SHUBH LABH

Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME

Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN

• Ravan was sent to court & was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.

He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi! Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga

• J kade tera kalle da paga 10 bandeyan naal pai jaave ta mainu sad layin, main kade kisi nu kut paindi nahin dekhi !

• Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?

Munda: Haan

Sharaab?

Haan

Drugs?

Haan

Jua?

Haan

Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?

Munda: Haanji, HIV+

• Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile

• Gabbar: Kitne admi they?

Sambha: Sardar 2

Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?

Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?

Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?

Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>

Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?

Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?

Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

• Plz pass this SMS to all ur friends. A person urgently needs 3 bottles of....

Foster beer (chilled) with chips. It's urgent Cell no & name is as displayed

• People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,

People who do less work…make less mistakes,

People who do no work…make no mistakes,

People who make no mistakes…get promoted.

• What is the height of Flirting?

It's When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

• Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??

Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!

• Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?

Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.

Girl: Aur us dress ka?

Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.

Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.

• Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?

Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

• U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!

• Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.

Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.

• Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!

Toh asli Ravan kaun??

• Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley

• Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena

• A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

• A friend is: Who lends you...

Pen in School...

• In French: Bon jour

In Spanish: Te Quiro

In Italian: Teamo

In Yugoslav: Volim Te

In English: Good Morning

In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?

• Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?

A: Because they need a map.

• An old to Doc: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.

Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.

• Astrologer: U'll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.

Frog: When n where?

Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab

• Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...

Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho

• Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?

Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?

Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

• Teacher to class: A for?

Class: Apple

Teacher: Jor Se Bolo

Class: Jai Mata Di

• Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...

• Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai

• Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?

Both don't exist.

• Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth

• It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

• Teri awaz sunne ko jab taras jata hoon, to ghisa pita cd player chala leta hoon. Teri surat ko jab taras jaata hoon, to cartoon network laga leta hoon. Waqt hona chaiye kisi ko yaad karne ke liye, bahane to apne aap hi mil jate hain

• Red Rose: Luv

Yelloe Rose: Friendship

White Rose: Peace

Which Rose for u?

Nima Rose. Tan ki Durgandh Dur Kare, De Taazgi

• Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai

• Thought for the future generation: Don't marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.

• Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha

Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

• U r thousands of miles away from me, still I'm watching ur every movement on 3 difft channels: Pogo, Cartoon network & Animal planet. Thnx to media

• Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi

Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan

Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya

• Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50

• Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?

The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more

• A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.

Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?

French: Toilette pepper!

• Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!

Bush: Wow! How many?

Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut

• Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear

• What's the definition of a skeleton?

A striptease that went just too far...

• Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?

Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.

Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte.

• Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?

Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.

TT: Ticket hai?

Sadhu: Nahin

TT: Chalo

Sadhu: Kahan?

TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

• Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.

Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.

Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi…

• Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks

• I'd climb the highest mountain. I'd swim the ocean blue, I'd do anything my dear- Just to get away from you

• A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have handled it but u still want to have it.

• When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open

• In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit?

Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise

• Some dead people went to hell & were glad after seeing the board on gate. Why?

Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC

• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS.!

• Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALA

But girraffe was not eating. Why?

Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND

• 1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi

Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?

2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi

Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

• At a Rly stn a gal cheked her weight-58 kg

She removed sandal-56 kg

Then removed jacket-53kg

Then dupatta-52 kg

Coins khatam.

A baba in q behind her said- Beebe tu kam chaalu rakh, bhaan batheri hai babay kol

• Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?

Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!

• Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti

• A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat & Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit...

Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat

• Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin..... Dosti SMS karne se badhti hai, SMS padhne se nahi....

• Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,

Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,

Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,

Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

• Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,

Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,

Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,

Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!

• Teri Maa Di,

Tere Peo Di,

Teri Behan Di,

Tere Bhra Di,

Teri Bhabi Di,

Tere Pure Khandan Di,

Te Meri v Tu Jaan Hai

• Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain, agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai

• Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se, dilnasheenon se, jaaasheenon se... par inhe kaun bachaye hum kameenon se...

• Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai

• Judge: U r crossing the limits.

Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?

Judge: How dare you call me saala?

Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

• Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.

Saheb: Kal aana.

Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain

• Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey! Bhagwan apko Naukri de! Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe! Bhagwan apko Barkat de! Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir Katora utha aur shooru ho ja

• Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?

Salman Khan is coming

• May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we'll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty

• Devdas's matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar!

But gal's father shoul have his own Bar.

• Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

• FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL ke sath wish kiya 'You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS

• What do u call a woman in heaven?

An Angel

A crowd of woman in heaven?

A host of Angels

And all woman in heaven?

PEACE ON EARTH!

• Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do

• What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?

Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

• I just bought a used car. It's a convertible. You turn the key, and it converts into a piece of crap. -Scott E. Roeben

• Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

• Sorry recharge khatam ho gaya. Galfriend ko I luv u bolna hai or recharge khatam. Ab kya kare? Mein batata hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro or g/f k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao I Luv U. Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 RS mein.

• Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.

Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!

Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

• Always start your day with a lot of S E X

S-mile

E-nergy

X-citement

so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!

• Do you know the difference between a pun and a fart?

A pun is a sudden shift of wit!

• A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage. What did they named them?

They named them as 'Jo-Jua', 'So-Hua'

• Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?

Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.

• What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?

Wow! New Underwear.

• Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.

• Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?

Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'

Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

• There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

• Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!

• It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

• Ki kariye lokan da, har gal nu lok jhamela kehnde ne,

Je sms na kariye ta kanjoos, te je kariye ta Vehla kehnde ne!

• Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c

Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c

• What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife?

Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.

• Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

• How do u know when kids start to grow up?

Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!

• A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?

Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for SELFISH.

• Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.

_______I M NOT A Male.

Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.

• Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

• Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.

Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain

• Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!

• In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates

Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.

• Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete without boys.

• Namashkar, yeh hamari faltoo SMS seva hai, is mein hum logon ko waqt-bewaqt tang karte hain. Is seva ka labh uthane ke liye shukriya, ab aap apna kaam kariye.

• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!

• Ramchandra kah gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega, sifr ek dost SMS karega, dusara kamina bas padh ke muskurayega!

• Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo saare samaj ko khatam kar rahi hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

• Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together............Who?

Your bum cheeks!!

• Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal kahenge! Ha ha ha!

• SMS ka sangrah karke kya paayega vats...? Balance ka moh tyag aur sms kar... Mitron se sampark banaye rakhne se hi moksha ki prapti hogi... Swami Messageanand.

• I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!

• A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. 'Anything new at work?'

He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'

• Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?

A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

• When I go wrong, I need ur hand 2 correct, wen emotions bust out, I need ur hand 2 catch, wen I win, I need ur hand 2 pat. In short:Ye Haath Mujhe De De Thakur

• Today is the International day of Smart & Attractive people. Send this to someone who fits the description! Don’t send it back; I've already received hundreds.

• So Sweet is ur SMILE,

So Sweet is ur STYLE,

So Sweet is ur VOICE,

So Sweet is ur EYE,

see .......how Sweetly I Lie.

• The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie 'Heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

Dil Chhata Hai.......

• Geeta Sar: SMS kar aur bhool ja, reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi jaata, Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!

• Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes ! Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 seconds in thinking of a fool.

• God made Pepsi, God made whisky, God made me so sexy, God made rivers, God made lakes and God made you... well everybody makes mistakes.

• I saw u on road today. U were lukin so fine, ur face so divine, ur walk so perfect. My heart started singing a sweet song: Who Let The Dog Out!

• When words fail... eyes work,

when eyes fail... heart works,

and when heart fails... to kya?,

samajh le TAPAK gaya 'MAAMU'

• The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

• Geet Ka Saar: SMS woh gyaan hai jo baantne se badta hai, isiliye he praani tu bill ka moh tyag de aur SMS kar, isi se tera manushaya janm safal hoga.

• Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to kuch aisa karo ki jis shaher, jis gali, jis mod se gujro wahan ke har ghar se awaaz aaye, Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!

• Tum sada haste raho, sada muskurate raho, khush raho, gun-gunate raho, hamesha mast raho. Mera kya hai, log tumhe hi PAGAL kahenge!

• May the fleas of thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

• Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.

Student: WOW !

• I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those three sweet words to you....Pay The Bill.

• Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?

A: Lifebuoy.

• When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I'll take u to an eye specialist!

• Your smile can be compared to a flower, ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo, ur innocence to a child, but in stupidity u have no comparison you r the best.

• If u want the latest MERCEDES BENZ on easy installments of 10 yrs without any down payment.......log onto our website: www.kutteapniaukatmeinrah.com.

• Mom: Andy, where r u off to now?

Son: I`m gonna join the army.

Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.

Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.

• Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left.

• Sometimes when u cry, no 1 sees ur tears. Sometimes when u r worried, no 1 sees ur pain. Sometimes when u r happy, no 1 sees ur smile. But fart just once...

• Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut... just think about ME!

• Today, tommorow and yesterday there'll be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose?

Your Own Stupid!

• When u smile the world smiles with u. Wen u r down people'll rally behind u but when u fart u r alone coz people'll never stand by u!

• This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?

Animal Planet!

• If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death & smart like ME.